Papa Don't Preach!

Are you kidding me? Let me repeat myself. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Yes, it's true. My darling Father skirted around an old near and dear promise. The promise as I have previously mentioned in past posts was that there were to be no secrets. The promise contended that we would not edit/delete/sugar coat any of life's happenings. For years he has held true and has told me the straight and very direct truth as life has unfolded.

For instance, while I was in the Missionary Training Center he wrote (there are no phone calls) and told me about my Grandfather's heart attack. This is the kind of thing that people neglect to tell others thinking that they are doing them a service of some kind. The intent is to spare stress and worry which is believed to be in the best interest of another. I get it...I just don't agree...at all.

While the intent is pure it doesn't do anyone any good to hide the elephant in the kitchen. I do not like secrets and let's face it, eventually information of this nature is generally given to everyone in these types of situation or found out in the natural course of time. So while my Father has fared extremely well and held true over the course of many secret ridden years he has alas faultered!

He was in the hospital yet again this week. He spent much time in the Telemetry unit given some iunexpected and unknown issues with his heart. HIS HEART. Now it wasn't all that long ago that he was in the hospital with lyme disease that took some time to diagnose and the reality is that we almost lost him last year while he was in the hospital with other complications.

On the B Side: I am so grateful that he is doing well now. He has received excellent care and is now home safely resting. He lives near a huge cutting edge facility and that helps as well. While I am sad that I didn't know while he was going through everything I let him know how I felt and hopefully despite his best intentions this won't happen again! Communication is everything and I firmly believe this. The other thing to consider is that if people don't know you are struggling or ill then they can't pray for you! Just say no to secrets.

Really???

Things that have not yet put me into labor or worse;

-My Dad being in the hospital not once but twice on the other side of the country
-The excitement of my only brother's wedding (which was a great thing)
-Big career shift at the office (also a really good thing but nonetheless a boat load of stress)
-Having our car stolen & subsequently dramatically recovered (see previous posts)
-A crazy incident at our home with the children that's put us all in therapy (literally)
-Time...both of my children came in the 37th week & I'm now in the 38th (this is just mean)
-Gestational Diabetes (she's going to be a BIG girl not much unlike Elles who was 8 lbs 10 oz)
-A brain tumor & lupus (oh yes, don't forget my favorite pre-existing friends)
-Working full time (up until yesterday...rock on)
-Lovingly chasing 3 pumpkin heads at home (and trying not to become 'Mommy Dearest')
-Managing a household (we're all lucky to have clean clothes most days)
-Moving due to Mortgage fraud (dishonest bastages)
-Moving into a brand new home that flooded the next day (AKA 3 days before Christmas)
-Selling our original home (which fell through after way too long into the process)
-Managing our tenants who are NOT on a contract
-Packing to move and not moving (all post fraud)
-Buying a new home (which fell through also post fraud after the last move)
-Dayton's CPAP drama & 2 sleep studies (and checking on him 4X's a night)
-MARK xxox

and if the Utah heat doesn't do it than heaven help me!

On the B Side: I'm grateful for something and if you give me long enough I'll think of it!!!!

A Heart Like His

There are so many times in life when things just come together. I can't fully explain it nor do I understand it but I can state that I do not believe in coincidence and I do awknowledge His hand in my life. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason.

I read the most profound book last weekend by Virginia Pearce. She is one of the children of President & Sister Hinckley and writes much like her Father spoke. Oddly enough a male co-worker/friend of mine mentioned this book to me and I've been in love with it from the moment I picked it up for so many reasons.

The book is more about becoming rather than doing. I love that simple idea. She speaks of making a heart soft and enlarged and available but it isn't about busying yourself and or making your life more stressful. She uses some simple experiences from her own life and is willing to expose some of her own weaknesses and she also uses the strong example of her precious Mother.

I believe it's true that when we feel loved by the Lord, we automatically treat other people more lovingly. She presents an experiment in the book that she tried with a group of woman and encourages readers to try as well by posing the following question;

Does simply opening our hearts to others also invite Him into our hearts?

So often we pray for His love to fill our hearts, then we turn towards others with a softened heart. The plan she presents is to simply be more aware of the condition of our hearts, and with this awareness, crack them open a bit wider. The desire is to simply open your heart to others in the hopes that they could feel the love of the Lord more fully in their lives.

Our only job is to keep praying, thinking about our heart - is it open, nonjudgemental, loving and accepting? I fall short but being more aware of this has already helped me catch myself and be better...or at least try! I love the honesty and imagery in this passage that she shares;

"I can actually feel my heart change its physical texture, size, and position, in relation to my spiritial condition. It gets hard and tiny and moves back behind my chest wall when I am angry and wirthdrawn and self-absorbed. On the other hand, when I am filled with love and reaching out to others, it softens and warms and moves forward - it is enlarged and full."

Softens. Warms. Moves forward. Englarged. Full. Here is an amazing quote from her Father that she cites;

"Be not faithless, but believing. Believe in yourselves. Believe in your capacity to do some good in this world. God sent us here for a purpose, and that was to improve the world in which we live. The wonderful thing is that we can do it" - President Gordon B. Hinckley

Did you catch that? Did you read it? Do you believe it? WE CAN DO IT. We can do good and we do need to believe in ourselves. I love the optimism and simplicity his words present! It's so encouraging and brings so much hope right up to the surface.

Here are three more questions that she poses that have really caused me to pause and think;
1) What is it that pries open a hardened heart?
2) What enlarges and softens the most shriveled of human souls?
3) What is the most desirable, the most delicious, the most joyous above all to the soul?
Her answer is being flooded with God's love, being awash with His profound acceptance and glory, being encircled and comforted and healed and set free to go and do!

The other point she makes is that we all have trials that bring us to our knees! This was so crazy refreshing for me to read, ponder and really realize. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in our own issues and wonder why others have it so differently and perhaps so easily. The point is that we all have problems big enough for us to desperately need HIM.

On the B Side: I have so much more to share, so much more that this small book has taught me; however, I have to get my kids to school! I love learning, feeling and growing!!!!

Papa Don't Preach

Are you kidding me? Let me repeat myself. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!


Yes, it's true. My darling Father skirted around an old near and dear promise. The promise as I have previously mentioned in past posts was that there were to be no secrets. The promise contended that we would not edit/delete/sugar coat any of life's happenings. For years he has held true and has told me the straight and very direct truth as life has unfolded.


For instance, while I was in the Missionary Training Center he wrote (there are no phone calls) and told me about my Grandfather's heart attack. This is the kind of thing that people neglect to tell others thinking that they are doing them a service of some kind. The intent is to spare stress and worry which is believed to be in the best interest of another. I get it...I just don't agree...at all.


While the intent is pure it doesn't do anyone any good to hide the elephant in the kitchen. I do not like secrets and let's face it, eventually information of this nature is generally given to everyone in these types of situation or found out just by nature. So while my Father has fared extremely well and held true over the course of many secret ridden years he has alas faultered!


He was in the hospital yet again this week. He spent much time in the Telemetry unit given some iunexpected and unknown issues with his heart. HIS HEART. Now it wasn't all that long ago that he was in the hospital with lyme disease that took some time to diagnose and the reality is that we almost lost him last year while he was in the hospital with complications.


On the B Side: I am so grateful that he is doing well now. He has received excellent care and is now home safely resting. While I am sad that I didn't know while he was going through everything I let him know how I felt and hopefully despite his best intentions this won't happen again! Communication is everything and I firmly believe this. The other thing to consider is that if people don't know you are struggling or ill then they can't pray for you! Just say no to secrets.

38 Weeks!

Baby girl is gaining as much as one full ounce of weight per day now. While she continues to urinate and practice breathing, she is also storing meconium in her little intestines. Her lungs are continuing to mature and her grasp has become even firmer then before. She is approximately 20 inches long and weighs about 6 ½ to 7 pounds. Almost all babies born now will live with little medical intervention. YAY!

I've never carried this long before. Dayton was born at 37 weeks and 3 days and Ellie was born at 37 weeks and 4 days. I had fully expected to have our little one here with us before now. I am happy to report that I feel great and am just extremely tired. We have all of the details worked out for the kids while I am in the hospital and tomorrow will be my last day of work as well as the last day of school for the kids.

We're as prepared as we can be and we're all super excited! We're waiting in the wings and keep reminding myself of the words from Dayton and Ellie's Great Grandma Voorhees; "Each little one comes with their own little loaf of bread"

On the B Side: I know that we are incredibly blessed and I am grateful for all of these blessings! There are so many people who love us, support us and pray for us. I can't tell you the countless acts of service that have helped us and these are the things that stick out in my mind as we move forward.

Baby Update

I met with Doc again yesterday. He was out of town last week so I was anxious to get into his office this week. For whatever reason I lost weight again but the baby continues to grow so he isn't concerned (wahoo!). My blood sugar, blood pressure and proteins were all in check so I was super excited about that. Her heart rate was a little sluggish compared and she hasn't been moving as much so Doc sent me to the Antepartem department.

I had the nicest nurse there who explained everything! She was wonderful and so informative. It really changes the whole experience to have someone like that caring for you. She measured the amniotic fluid in all 4 quadrants of my belly and monitored the baby's heart rate as well as my contractions. Baby girl didn't want to move or react until she put this crazy noise maker on my tummy and that woke her right up!

Because everything went so well yesterday we can rule out the possibitility of having a C-section (unless there are unforeseen complications that arise). Now it's just a matter of time until these contractions become more regular! Thursday will be 38 weeks so it's right around the corner! I am soooo excited!!!

On the B Side: I am so crazy grateful to have medical care. I love that so many of the people who dedicate their lives to this field are doing it for the sake of caring for others and making a difference. I feel so lucky to have such a great doc and so many wonderful others who make this who experience so much better!

Manic Monday

Today's theme is STRIPES.

Stripes reminds me quickly of the band White Stripes, which reminds me instantly of the movie Napoleon Dynamite, which reminds me of my goofy little two year old who was extremely impressed by the dance scene at the end. He use to watch it closely, try to mimic it and I'm sure if he could have talked he would have asked for a pair of his very own moonie B's!

"We're Going to Be Friends" is the name of the song by White Stripes that is in the movie; however, "Canned Heat" is the Jamiroquai song that Dayton loved to dance to!

He also use to love the one liner, "but my lips hurt real bad" and would his best to say this little phrase from the movie knowing that it always got a huge laugh filled response!

On the B Side: While it's a random association to the word stripes it does make me smile thinking back to our little D man dancing! The time passes quickly but there are some things that even my forgetful mind cannot forget!

Blazing My Trail

I love to take notes at Church as it's the only way I remember anything (pregnant or not). I determined to gleam something good from each brave soul that had something to share this morning. Here are my little nuggets of goodness;

The Counselor conducting spoke of the simple quality time his family has spent together over the past few days and it made me thankful for those moments in my own life and anxious to have the kids return home today!

#1 - An older gentleman whose 3 grandchildren were baptized yesterday spoke about his great love and pride for them. The thing that stuck out while he spoke was the fact that he reiterated Christ's words, "Come Follow Me". He said we can follow with assurance knowing that Christ is leading. I loved that simple thought!

#2 - A Father likely in his late 40's publicly said that he feels like a failure. He was baptized in 1990 and while his words were hard to hear I so appreciated his honesty and his ability to make himself most vulnerable. It was refreshing. What really stuck out in my mind was his ability to stick with the Gospel and his family despite his feelings of inadequacy. I am certain that he does far more good than he knows. We all need to be kinder, softer and gentler with ourselves.

#3 - This speaker was a 29 year old newly wed who told how disappointed she was for some time given that her life didn't happen as she thought it would. She was raised in the Gospel, made good choices and finished the Young Woman's program successfully. When she didn't marry in the Temple according to HER time line she shut out the light. Perhaps we've all been there and know what it feels like to shut out the light. Her bottom line was that things happen according to HIS plan and in HIS time. This was something I needed to be reminded of today!

#4 - A lady who is a member of the City Council spoke about DC 135 and Government Laws being set up originally to meet the needs of the people. She stated the the constitution has the ability to protect us; that our country was ordained of God by inspired men and that we have truth. What stuck out was the fact that she said that you can break yourself against the laws and we all must pay the price. This struck me as personal accountability and consequance and reminded me of God's great love and mercy but also His need for justice.

#5 - A gentleman about my age spoke about the power of the Hymns and how the phrase "He Lives" struck him today. He spoke of our Savior as being "alive" and pondered the question, What does it really mean to know him? This is something for each of us to think about. What does it mean and how to we really come to know him?

#6 - A lady who graduated from High School in the 1980's spoke of her two Grandfather's who had both served in World War II. She shared an experience that while in HS she watched a demonstration on tv in which individuals were burning a flag. In the presence of one of her Grandfather's she out loud pondered about these people merely expressing their opinions and that perhaps it wasn't that big of a deal. Her Grandfather immediately corrected her and told her that she had no idea what people have sacrificed so that we can have and fly the flag. It is a right that has been fought for and was a strong reminder of the great significance and symbolism of our flag as she told this story.

#7 - The newlywed husband of #3 spoke about the most beautiful part of a woman being her spirit. I absolutely loved this! It was a quiet reminder that I need to feed, nourish and beautify my own spirit.

#8 - A sweet little girl got up to share her tender little feelings about our Savior. While her dress was less than one would expect for Sunday church attendance it was a strong reminder of what is real, important, why we go to church and most importantly the love of our Savior for each of us, particularly the children. I love feeling safe and being in an environment of love and acceptance and want to remember to offer the same to others present.

#9 - A High Council man spoke about his Mother. My guess is that she must be in her 70's or 80's; however, I do not believe she was present. Regardless he spoke of her living here in our country for the past 50 years. This week she will raise her arm to the square and become a citizen of the US. What an honor it will be for her and what a reminder it was to me of something so special that is such a huge part of my identity.

On the B Side: I loved feeling the Spirit today. I loved being at church and being reminded and taught. I loved all of the smiley faces and the goodness that pervaded everywhere!