Moonbeaming

Tonight I giggled. I love giggling. Giggling is so very Britta. It happens over the senseless stuff and likely makes me a simpleton. I am truly 18 forever at heart and some times I digress and hit closer to 10 or 11 years old!

The children and I are settling nicely into our home. We have a home again! The kids have been excited and are all about helping. They have been getting a long great with the exception of random time outs for senseless little frustrations. Tonight I was doing a second sweep of the weeds in the front yard. Rather than piling them up I was just pulling them haphazardly and tossing them without thought or regard.

In an effort to earn some more cash, the kids quickly agreed to pick them all up. What cracked me up was their different strategies. Ellie set right to work. She did not want to waste any time. She was really quick but a little sloppy because of it. She picked up a large amount of weeds this way and was very proud of herself.

Dayton on the other hand ran into the house to get a plastic bag. He was frustrated that Ellie got a leg up but he was also able to gather up a great deal of weeds. He was much more thorough and even pulled a few weeds that I had missed. He was so methodical and stuck to his plan. It worked.

I laughed to myself and then outloud as I quietly watched them set to work. They completed the task though the means to the end was so different for them and reflected their little personalities! Ellie is impulsive and moves fast in both body and mind. She doesn't like to waste time and is very determined. Dayton is more strategic and likes to think things through. He's very rational and likes to do things right and to completion. I love both of their little personalities so much!

On the B Side: It's crazy to me how inherent their little personalities are. As parents we think we have all of this control and influence over them (and to some extent we do) but they each come with their very own little pre-packaged personalities! I also love that my moonbeams are so willing to help out!

Keep Her

This whole process of change is so uncomfortable. In it, I have been able to do quite a bit of thinking and while the dust is far from settled I am slowly piecing my thoughts, experiences and ideas together. I've decided that I DON'T WANT HER BACK. Keep her.

Some times I think it is easy to look back longingly on what was...so much that you end up thinking that it was so much greater than the here and now. While I was studying for my Masters at the UoU (that I WILL some day finish) there was a theory we dissected and I can't for the life of me remember what it was called but in a rumbly stumbly nut shell it is this;

When someone dies, it is easy to glorify them. It's human nature to take the best elements of who they were and make them even greater in our minds. We look back lovingly. People and things seem so big and so wonderful from this perspective. While this is a nice way of remembering someone or something, it isn't necessarily an honest or realistic portrayal. There is good and bad everywhere and it's easy to look back and unknowingly remember the good (and make it so much bigger) without recalling much or any of the bad...or how it felt.

I'm expanding on this theory (though it won't get me that degree just yet) The fact of the matter is that whatever has happened to you and whoever you are now is a culmination of the past. In the midst of my struggles I have looked back upon times in my life that seemed peaceful, stress-free and generally just happy-feel-good-times. The fact of the matter is that those times and circumstances existed but I was never free from trial. There were always challenges and there always will be. Nobody and no time period is exempt from struggle. It's part of learning and growing...it's called life. Why is it so easy to see the good and forget the bad?

Perhaps it is a coping mechanism because it feels safe or perhaps it offers some kind of hope during difficult times. I don't have the answers but in the course of my thinking I have decided that I want to take the parts of my Britta that I love and I want to build upon them...but I'm not looking to being the person I was or thought I was any more. I want an evolved, bigger, better, stronger Britta going forward. It's a process and I welcome the evolution...mostly!

On the B Side: I have an entire day to myself. I am loving the sunshine and only wish I could be in it. I am enjoying having all of the windows open allowing the natural light and cool breeze to grace me as I slowly get organized...at HOME. So yeah, who ever she was...I hope she was good to you but you can keep her. Prepare yourself because this Britta is slowly coming into her power (thanks Pants...I do so love you!) Watch it!!

Odd to Ellers

Spoken with a great deal of passion and enthusiasm...

"Are you ready America? We're going to celebrate your birthday!"

She then busted out with a heart felt round of the Star Spangled Banner.

On the B Side: Oh how I LOVE THAT GIRL! ♥ ♥ ♥