Saturday, June 13, 2009


Yup, it rhymes with poop and has nothing to do with Betty Boop. Today I was reminded of simpler times. I smiled thinking back upon such nonsense and remember laughing so hard it hurt. Tonight Mark and I scheduled to spend some time together. The sun finally peaked through the rain (suddenly SLC has morphed into Seattle and I'm a huge fan!) and we went on a long walk. We talked casually and addressed some important issues as well. It was productive and felt good. He did bring up a moment in time that I had forgotten.

Back in the Spring of 2005 Mark was working feverishly to remodel the inside of his home. He had built the home originally and it was 3 years hold. He spent a lot of time, energy and sleepless nights making changes to the inside of it. While we were not yet married, my kids and I spent a lot of time with he and Kayla there during the day on weekends. At the time Ellie was 3 years old and Dayton and Kayla were each 4 years old. To keep them busy that Spring we colored Easter eggs...a lot of them and with great frequency. It kept them busy and I loved it as much as they did!

Needless to say, I had stocked up on supplies and many weeks after Easter we were still coloring, hiding and finding eggs for fun while Mark worked his heart out on the house. One sunshiny Saturday the kids and I did our egg thing outside. We had three dozen eggs and hid and re-hid the eggs after coloring them out in the back yard for the majority of the afternoon. None of us ever tired of it and the excitement seemed endless. Unfortunately the eggs never lasted as long as we would have liked. They always began to crack and fall apart and the kids always hated that part...which in turn made me sad because I hated that they hated it.

So in a ditch effort to keep things fun, light hearted and not inevitably sad, boop was born. We began throwing the eggs at each other and laughing endlessly. Each time you hit someone with an egg or a piece of an egg you yelled, BOOP. We didn't have to speak the rules in between giggles...we all just got it and enjoyed it. Our laughter was loud and heartfelt. The yard was covered with colorful shell shards and hard-boiled egg pieces that got smaller and smaller with each boop. The more we did it, the more we laughed and the more ridiculous it became. It reached a point where we were grabbing the pieces and shoving them down each other's shirts and pants in sheer silliness...we were all covered and we all wreaked but that was so unimportant.

Little did we realize, we had pulled an audience of neighbors. While the yard is fenced in, it did not prevent puzzled onlookers from gawking at us. What was once the quiet house of a hard working 23 year old bachelor was now evolving into a home filled with love and endless laughter. Mark will admit that this first eternal round of boop very much embarrassed him but I can assure you that even after he pointed out the voyeurs around us, it made very little difference to myself or the children (and it stopped no one from watching). We carried on with our nonsense and even made a game out of cleaning up the yard afterwards...only to play boop again the following weekend with no regard to who may or may not be watching.

While it seems rather simple and albeit retarded, there were memories made and our heart connected as we began to blend our lives together. In hindsight, even Mark will admit that boop was awesome! As we walked and talked about this tonight, I was reminded of the simple things in my life to be grateful for despite the difficult circumstances. Here's a small list in random mind streaming order;

1. While I do not have Dayton and Ellie with me this month, they are loved and well cared for. Their Father and Step Mom love them very much and have stepped in and provided much needed security and I couldn't ask for any thing more. There are no games, issues or manipulations...just a small group of people who love two children very much and are willing to do whatever is best for them each and every time.

2. Old friends...Cakes, your email entitled, 'My Heart is Your Heart' made all the difference to me and could not have arrived at a better time. I love you dearly and as I read it, I can picture you all over again sitting in the room at the hospital after I woke up some time after one of my brain surgeries. Thank you all over again for your loving support. Your friendship is priceless and I owe you some yellow yarn!

3. My personal on call therapist...Dad, your love and support are what has gotten and continues to push me to bigger and better things. I don't know that I would have the desire to pick myself up quite so often (or at all on some days) without you. Everything is brighter with you and with the insight and clarity that you so eagerly and effortlessly supply. I have no idea what I would do with out you so tell the lyme disease to BACK OFF because nobody puts my Dad in the corner!

4. New Friends...Jennifer, thank you for helping me to remember the 'essence' of who I am. Your words have lifted my heart on many occasions and so unexpectedly. You have a special talent, a cherished gift to extend yourself and your heart to others and seek nothing in return. Kristin, your phone call yesterday made all of the difference. I think so often that people don't know what to say and so they don't say anything and it's as though it isn't happening but it really is...reaching out to me in such a personal and caring way touched me during a difficult time on a difficult day.

5. Could my baby be any more perfect? The answer, I assure you is no. Bubby is the best baby and her timing is impeccable. Her smiles are so easily offered and come with such great love. Her expressions are full of animation and her curiosity always makes me laugh outloud. That girl is all love, warmth and everything wonderful. She's easy to please, easy to care for and ever so easy to love...and we all do love her so...despite all the challenges we now face we wouldn't change a thing simply because she makes it all so worth it.

On the B Side: There are so many other things that I am grateful for. I have been blessed, loved and cared for by so many. It is ironic that many times in the past I have always been able to fake-it-until-I make-it and without missing too many beats, if any at all. At this point in my life, I can't pull of even a few brief moments of smiles if it isn't what I am really feeling. There are time when without warning the tears just won't stop. It's never the dramatic sobbing, just quiet tears that won't quit and I never know when they are going to hit. My face gives it all away every time and while I struggled with it, hating it and cursing myself I have decided that the solution is to fix up the inside so that there isn't anything to hide or hurt. Here's to redefining my Britta...and I'm starting by bringing boop back!