The Big Hook Up

Dear 24 Hour Fitness,

It's been a long time. I'm sorry for being a terrible friend. I'm ready to play nice and work on our relationship. Thanks for always being there. I look forward to seeing you today.

Kind Regards,
bv

The Big Break Up

Dear Coke,

Today is the day that we're breaking up. Yup, my butt is the size of Texas and I'm finally taking control of these things. Thanks for the fun times but I'm moving on.

Respectfully (or not),
bv