Saturday, June 6, 2009

Doing the Duffy?

Growing up we had a dog named Duffy. He wasn't necessarily the smartest or even the cutest but he was ours, we made lots of great memories with him and he was always loved. He had a bad habit of running away. Often times he would run to the corner of my Grandparents property. While we could maintain a complete visual of him there and holler for him while he was in ear shot to come back, Duffy did a trick. He would put his head down and in his little canine mind, if he wasn't making eye contact...he couldn't be seen. That's right folks, he was certain that we could not see his black and white freckled self.

While I would love for his dear theory to be true, such is not the case in life. Next topic.

One of the few things that is truly constant in this life is change. Change comes in many forms and can be both positive and/or negative. It isn't always comfortable but it becomes what you make it. How you adjust and adapt to it makes all of the difference coupled with how you perceive it. Broken do you see your glass? Is it half empty? Is it half full? Some times it just feels like the glass is an intangible metaphysical concept used to overly simplify complicated situations. I don't really want to analyze it anymore.

Right now I don't feel like describing my glass. I don't want to look at it and I don't want to think about it. Next topic.

I am done putting my head down and not making eye contact. My reality is such that a great deal of change has taken place and while I'm not to a point where I am fully embracing it, I am far from the femme fatale cursing it and plotting against reality. Some times life isn't about being half full or half empty. Some times it isn't about right or wrong. Some times it really is about what is best. Some times it is about taking action to cause change for the purpose of making things better.

What I am trying to say is that life is hard. It's that way for everyone and none of us are exempt. It's no secret anymore that Mark and I have separated and are trying to figure out what is best for our little family. I cry a lot, feel so far from myself, resist/accept the change in cycles but ultimately Mark and I stand in agreement that despite that fact that this is really hard, it is best. It almost feels a little less secretive by putting it out there but it also makes it more real and makes me want to put my head down and avert my eyes all over again. {Insert tears here}

For those of you who have stood by me and continually stand along side of me, thank you. Your presence and support are priceless, invaluable and mean the world to me. I am thankful that Mark also has a support system of his own. We're done doing Duffy's trick and are ready to take this head on together while apart for the sake of the greater good. I know it's uncomfortable and for that I am sorry. Nobody has to say anything, just keep us in your thoughts and prayers. End of story.