Thursday, May 15, 2008

Week 30

Okay Baby Cakes, I admit. You win. UNCLE. My first two pregnancies were easy, breezy, beautiful and I really enjoyed them for the most part. This time around, you are kicking my butt, which is no easy task given that it has it's own zip code these days. Is it because I'm older? Is it because I weigh more? Is it because my body is worn out? Maybe it's because WE have gestational DIABETES. I wish I could say that it will all be okay, but today I am angry so in order for me to really feel what I am saying it will have to wait. I'll start on that list of things I'm grateful for later today after the hospital.

I feel like I've paid my dues and just really want my body to work. Aside from the fact that I've had considerable health issues I would do anything to spare my children, especially a young, tender unborn child. The stress of helping Dayton through his issues has taken it's toll. The stress of our housing situation is also overwhelming so I just don't feel like myself and I definitely don't feel up to all of this. I remind myself that tomorrow is yet another day and I can bounce back then but today it just isn't in me at this moment. I don't want to hear anything about the sun coming out tomorrow right now either.

So your permanent teeth are in girl and you can open and close your eye lids. You are very responsive to what's going on outside of your little world and I'm pretty sure you are determined not to let me sleep (not that any position is really comfy anyway!). You weigh 3 pounds (maybe more given the diabetes) and are 15.5 inches long. You can suck your thumb and your lungs would be capable of breathing should they have to do so at this point but let's not go there just yet, okay?

At this point I am constantly tired and have next to no energy. Pretty soon we'll be onto the next chapter in life and can put this all behind us. Hopefully you are feeling much better than I am these days! I know, I know, time for me to buck up.

On the B Side: I am greatful that I don't always have to put on a sunshiny face. It's easy to 'fake it until you make it' some times but I really do prefer reality. I also realize that there are much worse things in this world. Right now this is MY reality and it is hard for ME.

3 shout outs:

Michelvis said...

Chin up my little Berta! It can't rain all the time. Things will get better and once you meet little Adalie, you'll know it was all worth it. What can I do to alleviate some of this burden?

Kristin said...

I'm so sorry about the diabetes... Yuck!!! It's nice to hear your side of reality once in a while... I swear it feels like I'm the only one who thinks life is hard. I can admit someone else might have it harder, but I like how you put it... "this is MY reality and it is hard for me." Thank you for the perspective!

P.S. Loved lunch today... let's do it again soon!

Clancy in Idaho said...

"Berta" LOL!!! That's great!

I'm not laughing at you, just that Michelle calls you Berta. You are so darn cute in all your misery! I'm sorry that things are feelin' a little crummy 'round the tummy! Baby girl giving you no sleep and diabetes to boot! You just hang in there darlin'! I won't tell you that the sun will come out tomorrow... I'll just tell you that I love you!