Wednesday, May 21, 2008

What is the most adventuresome thing you have ever done?

From Clancy's Jar...(feel free to join in the fun with your own post of the same title!)

I believe it is very safe to say (and likely in agreement by those who know me well) that I am NOT adventurous. I pretty much grew up in a paper bag some where in the middle of Central Pennsylvania and frankly I'm way okay with that. I love home, I had a wonderful childhood and have many memories that still make me smile.

I never had detention, never had to stay after school or even had a teacher yell at me, haven't ever touched drugs of any kind and pretty much avoided most (but not all) trouble. I was always the girl in class who felt terrible if I even thought the teacher looked at me wrong and then I would go home and cry and obsess for days. I am super sensitive and strive to do things, do them well and do them right the first time. Um please note that I fail all of the time and still spend time in tears at the end of the day even as an adult!

I am terrified of consequence, motivated by guilt, pragmatic in most cases, a bit of a perfectionist in some realms, fear 'failure' like there's no tomorrow and have always been far too anxious for my own good. I think these things have kept me from living close to any edge. I'm okay with all of that too.

I grew up living next to my Maternal Grandparents in Riverside, PA. Riverside is a borough (doesn't qualify for a town!) with a convenience store, some railroad tracks and a whole bunch of farm land. We did have a Baptist Church, Post Office and laundry mat now that I think of it. I miss home and also my Grandparents like you wouldn't believe.

As a young girl I remember my cousins coming to visit my Grandparents. Once when I was 5 my cousins Jennifer (2 yrs my elder) and Christopher (1 yr my elder) decided it would be good to go door to door selling individuals cheese puffs out of a bag that they got from Mommom's (my best friend) pantry. I smiled along wanting to be included but specifically remember feeling hesitant and being embarrassed. I stood quietly hidden behind them upon the door steps as they presented their ridiculous money making proposal. When they ventured to cross Avenue G, I declined, listened to them chastise me for being a baby and walked home alone with my tears (we lived on Avenue H).

The point is that I knew that I was NOT allowed to cross Avenue G. It was a busier road (speed limit 35). I felt dumb and was sad walking home and as I got to the front of my home my Aunt Gerre (Chris' Mom) was in her blue Cadillac and she was on fire looking for them. I was not about to lie though I felt torn and didn't want to tattle. I remember Jenny and Chris sitting in time out crying in the dining room at my Grandmother's because they got in really big trouble. On top of it all they were mad at me because I 'told on them' and continued to taunt me because I wasn't 'brave' enough to walk up or cross Ave G.

I realize that this hardly qualifies for an adventure but it something that sticks out in my mind as one of those defining moments from very early on that left a deep impact upon my heart. What I really consider my grandest adventure is my search for self. While I cannot be sure when it started there are some significant milestones that are noteable. Unfortunately that is really a post of it's own and I'm not quite sure that adventure is over just yet!

On the B Side: I am grateful for all of the life experiences that make up who we become. It's amazing to me that we all have such unique personalities that are more innate than we realize. I think of my children and how entirely different they are despite the same circumstances that have surrounded them. We are all these little pre-packaged spirits that come here ready to learn and while we are influenced by the people that surround us and our environment there is so much that already makes up who we are quite naturally

6 shout outs:

The Lingwalls said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anderson Family said...

You sound about as adventurous as I am. I am glad I am not alone in that. However I have some pretty big adventures heading my way. Hope they will create memories that last a lifetime.

Kristin said...

Awesome post! I love the twist you put on it and especially love your B-side comments. It's so true that we all come with our own personalities regardless of the influences around us.

Love ya!

Cliff and Cynthia (at home at work at play) said...

Britta,
I love you more each day! Thanks for all you bring to my life. I loved your story and those can be defining moments--even if they seem like small things. Probably my biggest real adventure was climging Mt. Whitney back when you were probably about 1 or 2 yrs old. But the smaller everyday subtle decisions we make daily are the true adventures of the soul. Like your decision not to "cross the line" You are one of my heros!

Clancy in Idaho said...

You know your limits and that is something most people cannot say. That is an awesome story.

I can think of some adventures! Buying your BB Jeep was one! Driving with me hanging on the roll bar was another! Going road trippin' to NYC... there's been a few that I've been present at!

Love this story. You are so precious!

xoxoxo
-C

shell said...

oh that is just to cute. I can imagine you as a little kid looking pretty much like what Ellie looks like now... walking home crying and embarrassed.

thats so sad!

what about the time you threw eggs over the overpass?