Failure is My New Silver Lining!

FAILURE. It's big, fat and just plain ugly to see and even worse to feel on the inside. I use to hate this word with all my heart. I have a brand new outlook on it and what this word means to me. I am officially and completely refusing to feel bad on the inside about it...STARTING NOW! You should also consider this.

Failure is NEVER a loss. Failure is about always learning. Failure is about acknowledging something didn't happen as you had hoped, picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and MOVING FORWARD with new knowledge. We all know that knowledge is POWER.

Failure has been redefined for me. I am dumping the old negative connotations and feelings that come with this word and replacing it with a new determination to find that damn silver lining EVERY TIME! It's shiny for a reason, people!!

My passion in life is learning. Learning on every level. Learning in every capacity. Learning in every context. Learning intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I've lost far too much time feeling inadequate, overwhelmed and just plain not good enough. It becomes consuming and at some point you aren't able to see or feel much else.

Life moves at a very rapid pace and there is always going to be somebody else who possesses talents, skills and strengths that seem more desirable then you own. I am losing the notion that I fail simply because I don't measure up to another. I am also ridding myself of the notion that I fail because I haven't lived up to some random and perhaps irrational expectation that I set for myself.

I won't further impress the importance and precious value of time. There is only so much of it in a day and in our lives and it won't last forever. I don't want to spend mine feeling bad and wondering where I went wrong. I want to look at every situation, every decision, every circumstance and see every silver lining that lies therein. No more regrets. No more looking back longingly. No more wishing things were different and absolutely no more feeling like a failure.

The past is the past and you cannot change it. You can definitely learn from it and are empowered when you do so. Silver. Shiny. Look for it. Learn from it. Appreciate it. Apply it and you will never be a failure. It's time to keep trying, keep learning and being better off because of it.

On the B Side: Along with the redefinition of failure on my behalf has come the ability to start to let the guilt go. I simply cannot express how liberating this feels. Give yourself permission to not have to do everything perfectly. Do your very best and feel great knowing that you put it all out there. Be relentless in your efforts to do good and be good. It's okay if your best isn't the exact same as it was yesterday or that it may be different from your best tomorrow. Life is fluid and causes us to adjust. The point is that there is much to learn and that is the shiniest silver lining that I know no matter how you define it.

Listy McListerson: The Fat Drop

Woot! I've taken it slow and haven't made any grand efforts but I am rather impressed with myself and the new habits that I've slowly adopted. I am down a total of 22 lbs. While the number 22 isn't instantly impressive, the fact that it's been 22 lbs of lard does make me smile.

Things I like to do to keep it in perspective without getting discouraged;

• Pick up a 5 lb bag of potatoes and tell myself that I've lost 4.5 of those babies (almost)
  
• Pick up Bubby and know that I've lost as much as she weighs
  
• Pick up fat Ed and remind myself that I've lost more than two of him
  

The good news;

• It feels great to take control of my life
• It feels good to establish new eating habits
• I've trained myself to eat when I'm hungry as a means to fuel my body (rather then a never ended extra-curricular activity that results from eating my emotions!)
• My clothes are fitting better
• Forward motion is progress

The less than good news;

• I have 24 more pounds to go
• I still am a gross blob of not healthy lard (as if there's a healthy version out there some where)
  
• I don't 'feel' like I've lost any weight
• Healthy weight loss takes time and effort (damn it!)
  

All in all, I love the challenge and I love busting myself and creating some sort of self discipline! I can't tell you the number of times I have wanted to or started to put something into my mouth.

I've really had to stop and wonder things like;

• Am I hungry?
• Is this healthy?
• Why am I eating?
• Do I need this or do I want this?
• When is the last time I ate?
• Is there a better choice?
  

While I was pregnant with Adalie, I had gestational diabetes and met with a Dietitian. I was instantly forced to change my eating habits and as a result only gained 9 lbs with her. I had also met with a trainer prior to my pregnancy.

Here's a short life of things that I have pulled from them that have helped me quite a bit;

• 80% of weight management is dietary intake
  
• Drink half of your weight in water daily in ounces (If you weighed 100 lbs you would drink 50 oz of water a day). This is much more tailored to individual needs.
• Eat every 2-3 hours. This keeps your metabolism up and going so your body works for you
• Eat smaller portions
• Reduce fat and sugar intake
• Do your best NOT to eat out
• Fresh food does not contain the 'fatigens' that help you hang onto weight i.e. minimize preservatives and processed crud
• Don't not to eat after 7 PM daily
• Get a good nights sleep so your body is able to function correctly
• Take a daily vitamin to help ensure proper nutrition
• Probiotics assist your body in absorbing nutrients (especially if you have been on antibiotics in the past 24 months)
  
• Find healthy snacks alternatives and keep them accessible
• Quit making exceptions (this one is a love/hate situation for me!)
  

I still go to the gym but I'm not uber dedicated. You know, the girl who shows up in spandex (but really shouldn't) and spends 4 hours a day (and then goes home and polishes 2 gallons of ice cream)? Not me for so many reasons. I think it's important to exercise, get your body moving and take time for yourself. It's definitely a crucial component to being healthy. I make sure that I get out and it's a double bonus as I love the down time alone in my head. Just don't go looking for me in Zumba because that is so not this girl!!!

Here are a few objectives I've set to make sure I don't look anymore like a 30 something suburban house wife;

• Drop another 24 lbs by adhering to the above
  
• Start P90X to start ramping up the musclege (and I can do this from home, boom baby!)
• Lower my BMI now that it's back in normal range!
  
• Stop wearing my pajamas to the grocery store (don't you judge me!!)
  

On the B Side: There's definitely something to be said for moderation in all things and that completes my lists for today! I think I am my own biggest fan and I don't feel one bit guilty about that! Go me!

Baby Steppin

"I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... "

Let it be known that I heart Bill Murray. One of my favorite movies of his is, 'What About Bob?'.



4 more pounds down! That's 8 pounds in 3 weeks and it feels so good to be baby steppin! Only 32 more to go.....

Humble Beginnings

Everyone has to start somewhere. The gym and I reconciled our differences in November 2009. We'd broken up since I broke my foot in February 2005. Yeah, remember that one time I was walking. and fell. and it hurt. real bad? Um, I ended up having a bone extracted from my foot and a tendon reattached in May of that year. If walking made my life that crazy, there was no way this clumsy white girl was going to hit the gym. I'm far too pragmatic for that, people.

That's one lame saucy cop out and I realize this. The weight has continued to creep up and all the while I am becoming more and more unhealthy. Going back to the gym as added so much quality to my life and I mean that. I love the feeling of taking control of my life, making progress and knowing that my weight is going down while my health increases. The 'me' time is invaluable and I am enamoured with the people watching!

At first it was more toyful and less fruitful. Somewhere in my mind I justified that I-can-eat-whatever-I-want-because-I-am-working-out. That defeated the entire purpose and was an exercise in sheer retardation. Yup, you are welcome. I just made you all look better on so many levels. What I got out of that was a newly created love for the gym. It became an outlet and constituted down time for this girl...who never truly loved the gym.

In January I got more serious about the whole ordeal and it feels AMAZING! There is nothing more exciting for me then feeling the burn that lingers after my time at the gym except for perhaps the sore achy goodness that comes the next day. It's almost a rush and I crave it. I'm slowly losing about 2 pounds a week now and as weak as that is, it's progress and more than enough incentive for me to continue to push forward!

I'd like to thank the following individuals for the additional motivation that they have provided;

• The lady at the gym who wears a white t shirt but sweats brown. Maybe you should wash your body...or just drink more water. Maybe both. Whatever you got going on is nasty but you keep at it any way! That's determination, baby and you're a strong example!
• The dude who puts his hair in a bun and has a necklace tattooed around his neck. You probably just need a hair cut (might want to wash that shiz once in a while) and I'm sure you know by now that you could have just bought a new necklace periodically rather then sporting that out dated permanent one you got going on. Apparently you just don't care and thank you for helping me to realize, it just doesn't matter!
• The group of little old man that are religious in their dedication and have made gyming a social event despite the fact that none of them break a sweat and likely aren't losing an ounce. You go get 'em tigers! From you I have learned that working out can be fun whether it be because I have my fav buddy in tow or just because I get to watch you!
• The middle aged chubby fellow who leaves sweaty bum prints on the equipment. While I strongly disapprove of your actions, I realize that it isn't something you want to do and frankly I don't think you have a clue that it's happening. Let's face it, sweating is just gross but it's part of the price that must be paid. You are willing to pay that price. Oh quelle sacrifice! While I will never leave my swass around, thank you for making me feel better about my own glistening!

On the B Side: This list of appreciation could go on for quite some time but I'll save my banter for another post. For now it suffices me to say that I really am in love. It's a very humble beginning. I get to people watch and in the process I really am learning to be more comfortable with myself. It's win-win across the board and I am a very addicted girl who can't wait to drop another 36 pounds!