Peace Out

Time moves very quickly and life can become chaotic. Between the demands of work, three small children and everything else that hits, it can be a little overwhelming . More than anything at this point in my life, I crave peace. I love the quiet moments that allow me to regroup, gather my thoughts, dump whatever is on my mind that need not be there and just breathe. I am a girl that loves to have a plan and it is after those quiet moments that I quickly create my lists, organize my thoughts and come up with a strategy to make it all work.

Yesterday I walked to the school to meet up with the kids to walk home with them. They were not expecting me and took a different route. Normally, this would have sent me into a blind panic but for whatever reason yesterday, I was at peace. I * felt * peace and it * felt * so good. With that peace came hope. Hope is encouraging. Refreshing. Needed.

The sun was out and was warming my face. The wind was gently blowing my hair and I was HAPPY. Happy to be out and about. Happy to be mobile. Happy to be healthy. Happy to have three really great children. Happy to have a career that I love. Happy to have a home. Happy to have meaningful relationships with friends and family. Happy that I am able to make it all work on my own.

I continued to walk home happy as a clam at high tide. I met the children a block or so from home and I was elated to see their sweet little smiling faces. They add so much depth, meaning and purpose to life and I love them so much. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Peace. Hope. Happy. It was all mine! I felt recharged. I felt a renewed energy and was spurred forward.

On the B Side: Words do little justice to what I FELT yesterday. I wanted to bottle it up and save it for another moment in time...a moment when I felt weak and inadequate and unsure how to proceed. We are all faced with those less than pleasant moments. Being able to think above those negative feelings and remember the positive ones is crucial. Oh how I love and cherish those sincerely happy moments that fill your heart with gratitude! Mmm Mmm good <3

Simple Abundance

There's a little sign that hangs above my sink in the kitchen that reads, 'Simple Abundance'. I've learned (often the hard way) that it's the little things, the simple things that take on the most meaning. This is the principal behind my love for our old faded Buzz Lightyear blanket. Today was an emotional day for me for many reasons and I really want to focus on the sheer sweet goodness of it all. Here is a short list of the things that touch my heart and keep it warm;

• Dayton - I often sit back and marvel at the miracle he is, how it all happened and just how lucky I am to have this sweet little boy. Monday I was in a pile of tears and he just sat and quietly rubbed my back. Surely if he were a Care Bear he'd be Tenderheart Bear. Need I say any more? So.Easy.To.Love.
• Ellianne - She's got a smile that is full of life, light and everything good. She's bright, sharp and shiny. She doesn't miss a thing and know how to take charge of a situation. I love to sit back and quietly watch her in action. If she were a Care Bear she would surely be Fun Shine bear with darling angel kisses scattered across her face (and then she would tell you all about it!) So.Very.Endearing.
• Adalie - Oh the grand finale she is! She is a little firecracker and burns white hot. She doesn't stop moving, has a very determined mind of her own and loves, loves, loves to be held. She is the perfect blend of tender meets strong. She really does complete us and if she were a Care Bear she would be Brave Heart and she would have the funniest and fiercest little roar to prove it. So.Absolutely.Darling.
• Phone Call Home - I started off the day with a call to my Dad and I must say that there are few things that warm my heart quite like a quiet chat with him. He's the ultimate life coach and way better than my favorite comfort food! I will take a 5 second convo with him any day over a new pair of cute shoes!
• VM's from Dear Friends - I received several today unexpectedly and I cannot tell you how much it meant to me. I was touched knowing that they thought of me and bummed that I missed the actual calls. This simple act of kindness brings tears to me eyes and makes me feel so grateful to have such genuine friendships in my life. I love being connected.

On the B Side: While it was different being on my own on Thanksgiving it certainly gave me time to quietly reflect on the things that mean the most to me in this life. I secretly love the quiet down time but am always happy to be up and running again when life hits...and it always does!

Thursday 13

Once upon a time there was a girl who blogged. Recently she was reminded how cathartic it can be. For starters, I've been thinking a lot about personal perspective lately. Perspective encompasses so much and here is mine on a specific topic.

Here is a list of why I love my job;

1. I am surrounded by crazy talented people.
2. I work with people around the world.
3. I contribute to the greater whole.
4. I have opportunity to train formally.
5. I have opportunity to travel.
6. I work with many different lines of business.
7. I work remotely from home (in my jammies!)
8. I get to run really cool projects.
9. The work is constantly changing.
10. I really like my boss and extended team.
11. I can track my efforts and see personal and professional progress.
12. I earn an honest paycheck.
The very most important reason;
13. I am learning every day!

On the B Side: It matters very little what I do. The point is that I LOVE WHAT I DO. For starters, I have a job and I choose to love it! It doesn't matter who you are or where you work, there will always be positive aspects of the work if you choose to recognize them. I love my job and being able to progress. I love moving forward and contributing to the greater good of a company. Everyday I become a little more talented and a little more skilled. Some times that comes by being in the heart of the fire and some times that comes by nature of those around me and yet other times that comes from the sheer experience of just doing it. Any way you look at it, I am well aware just how lucky I am to have not only a job but this job!

Failure is My New Silver Lining!

FAILURE. It's big, fat and just plain ugly to see and even worse to feel on the inside. I use to hate this word with all my heart. I have a brand new outlook on it and what this word means to me. I am officially and completely refusing to feel bad on the inside about it...STARTING NOW! You should also consider this.

Failure is NEVER a loss. Failure is about always learning. Failure is about acknowledging something didn't happen as you had hoped, picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and MOVING FORWARD with new knowledge. We all know that knowledge is POWER.

Failure has been redefined for me. I am dumping the old negative connotations and feelings that come with this word and replacing it with a new determination to find that damn silver lining EVERY TIME! It's shiny for a reason, people!!

My passion in life is learning. Learning on every level. Learning in every capacity. Learning in every context. Learning intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I've lost far too much time feeling inadequate, overwhelmed and just plain not good enough. It becomes consuming and at some point you aren't able to see or feel much else.

Life moves at a very rapid pace and there is always going to be somebody else who possesses talents, skills and strengths that seem more desirable then you own. I am losing the notion that I fail simply because I don't measure up to another. I am also ridding myself of the notion that I fail because I haven't lived up to some random and perhaps irrational expectation that I set for myself.

I won't further impress the importance and precious value of time. There is only so much of it in a day and in our lives and it won't last forever. I don't want to spend mine feeling bad and wondering where I went wrong. I want to look at every situation, every decision, every circumstance and see every silver lining that lies therein. No more regrets. No more looking back longingly. No more wishing things were different and absolutely no more feeling like a failure.

The past is the past and you cannot change it. You can definitely learn from it and are empowered when you do so. Silver. Shiny. Look for it. Learn from it. Appreciate it. Apply it and you will never be a failure. It's time to keep trying, keep learning and being better off because of it.

On the B Side: Along with the redefinition of failure on my behalf has come the ability to start to let the guilt go. I simply cannot express how liberating this feels. Give yourself permission to not have to do everything perfectly. Do your very best and feel great knowing that you put it all out there. Be relentless in your efforts to do good and be good. It's okay if your best isn't the exact same as it was yesterday or that it may be different from your best tomorrow. Life is fluid and causes us to adjust. The point is that there is much to learn and that is the shiniest silver lining that I know no matter how you define it.

Listy McListerson: The Fat Drop

Woot! I've taken it slow and haven't made any grand efforts but I am rather impressed with myself and the new habits that I've slowly adopted. I am down a total of 22 lbs. While the number 22 isn't instantly impressive, the fact that it's been 22 lbs of lard does make me smile.

Things I like to do to keep it in perspective without getting discouraged;

• Pick up a 5 lb bag of potatoes and tell myself that I've lost 4.5 of those babies (almost)
  
• Pick up Bubby and know that I've lost as much as she weighs
  
• Pick up fat Ed and remind myself that I've lost more than two of him
  

The good news;

• It feels great to take control of my life
• It feels good to establish new eating habits
• I've trained myself to eat when I'm hungry as a means to fuel my body (rather then a never ended extra-curricular activity that results from eating my emotions!)
• My clothes are fitting better
• Forward motion is progress

The less than good news;

• I have 24 more pounds to go
• I still am a gross blob of not healthy lard (as if there's a healthy version out there some where)
  
• I don't 'feel' like I've lost any weight
• Healthy weight loss takes time and effort (damn it!)
  

All in all, I love the challenge and I love busting myself and creating some sort of self discipline! I can't tell you the number of times I have wanted to or started to put something into my mouth.

I've really had to stop and wonder things like;

• Am I hungry?
• Is this healthy?
• Why am I eating?
• Do I need this or do I want this?
• When is the last time I ate?
• Is there a better choice?
  

While I was pregnant with Adalie, I had gestational diabetes and met with a Dietitian. I was instantly forced to change my eating habits and as a result only gained 9 lbs with her. I had also met with a trainer prior to my pregnancy.

Here's a short life of things that I have pulled from them that have helped me quite a bit;

• 80% of weight management is dietary intake
  
• Drink half of your weight in water daily in ounces (If you weighed 100 lbs you would drink 50 oz of water a day). This is much more tailored to individual needs.
• Eat every 2-3 hours. This keeps your metabolism up and going so your body works for you
• Eat smaller portions
• Reduce fat and sugar intake
• Do your best NOT to eat out
• Fresh food does not contain the 'fatigens' that help you hang onto weight i.e. minimize preservatives and processed crud
• Don't not to eat after 7 PM daily
• Get a good nights sleep so your body is able to function correctly
• Take a daily vitamin to help ensure proper nutrition
• Probiotics assist your body in absorbing nutrients (especially if you have been on antibiotics in the past 24 months)
  
• Find healthy snacks alternatives and keep them accessible
• Quit making exceptions (this one is a love/hate situation for me!)
  

I still go to the gym but I'm not uber dedicated. You know, the girl who shows up in spandex (but really shouldn't) and spends 4 hours a day (and then goes home and polishes 2 gallons of ice cream)? Not me for so many reasons. I think it's important to exercise, get your body moving and take time for yourself. It's definitely a crucial component to being healthy. I make sure that I get out and it's a double bonus as I love the down time alone in my head. Just don't go looking for me in Zumba because that is so not this girl!!!

Here are a few objectives I've set to make sure I don't look anymore like a 30 something suburban house wife;

• Drop another 24 lbs by adhering to the above
  
• Start P90X to start ramping up the musclege (and I can do this from home, boom baby!)
• Lower my BMI now that it's back in normal range!
  
• Stop wearing my pajamas to the grocery store (don't you judge me!!)
  

On the B Side: There's definitely something to be said for moderation in all things and that completes my lists for today! I think I am my own biggest fan and I don't feel one bit guilty about that! Go me!

Baby Steppin

"I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... "

Let it be known that I heart Bill Murray. One of my favorite movies of his is, 'What About Bob?'.



4 more pounds down! That's 8 pounds in 3 weeks and it feels so good to be baby steppin! Only 32 more to go.....

Humble Beginnings

Everyone has to start somewhere. The gym and I reconciled our differences in November 2009. We'd broken up since I broke my foot in February 2005. Yeah, remember that one time I was walking. and fell. and it hurt. real bad? Um, I ended up having a bone extracted from my foot and a tendon reattached in May of that year. If walking made my life that crazy, there was no way this clumsy white girl was going to hit the gym. I'm far too pragmatic for that, people.

That's one lame saucy cop out and I realize this. The weight has continued to creep up and all the while I am becoming more and more unhealthy. Going back to the gym as added so much quality to my life and I mean that. I love the feeling of taking control of my life, making progress and knowing that my weight is going down while my health increases. The 'me' time is invaluable and I am enamoured with the people watching!

At first it was more toyful and less fruitful. Somewhere in my mind I justified that I-can-eat-whatever-I-want-because-I-am-working-out. That defeated the entire purpose and was an exercise in sheer retardation. Yup, you are welcome. I just made you all look better on so many levels. What I got out of that was a newly created love for the gym. It became an outlet and constituted down time for this girl...who never truly loved the gym.

In January I got more serious about the whole ordeal and it feels AMAZING! There is nothing more exciting for me then feeling the burn that lingers after my time at the gym except for perhaps the sore achy goodness that comes the next day. It's almost a rush and I crave it. I'm slowly losing about 2 pounds a week now and as weak as that is, it's progress and more than enough incentive for me to continue to push forward!

I'd like to thank the following individuals for the additional motivation that they have provided;

• The lady at the gym who wears a white t shirt but sweats brown. Maybe you should wash your body...or just drink more water. Maybe both. Whatever you got going on is nasty but you keep at it any way! That's determination, baby and you're a strong example!
• The dude who puts his hair in a bun and has a necklace tattooed around his neck. You probably just need a hair cut (might want to wash that shiz once in a while) and I'm sure you know by now that you could have just bought a new necklace periodically rather then sporting that out dated permanent one you got going on. Apparently you just don't care and thank you for helping me to realize, it just doesn't matter!
• The group of little old man that are religious in their dedication and have made gyming a social event despite the fact that none of them break a sweat and likely aren't losing an ounce. You go get 'em tigers! From you I have learned that working out can be fun whether it be because I have my fav buddy in tow or just because I get to watch you!
• The middle aged chubby fellow who leaves sweaty bum prints on the equipment. While I strongly disapprove of your actions, I realize that it isn't something you want to do and frankly I don't think you have a clue that it's happening. Let's face it, sweating is just gross but it's part of the price that must be paid. You are willing to pay that price. Oh quelle sacrifice! While I will never leave my swass around, thank you for making me feel better about my own glistening!

On the B Side: This list of appreciation could go on for quite some time but I'll save my banter for another post. For now it suffices me to say that I really am in love. It's a very humble beginning. I get to people watch and in the process I really am learning to be more comfortable with myself. It's win-win across the board and I am a very addicted girl who can't wait to drop another 36 pounds!

The After Thought

Alexander isn't the only one who has ever had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I've never actually read the book so I can't be sure how it ends but I'm hoping mine turns around! I could make a list but that just seems inappropriate and a misuse of energy. I will reluctantly put my shoulder to the wheel or at least repeat some gay phrase like that to myself until I believe it.

On the B Side: While it may only be 12 degrees out, I am warm and cozy at home in my jammies with my moonbeams. Life really is good even when it feels terrible, horrible, no good and very bad. Carry on.

Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?

Why, no Heather. No, I did not. I do not eat brain tumors but I would like to obliterate one. However, I was a 'Heathers' fan in 1988 and that simply must count for something. That was before Winona Ryder was a theif and before Christian Slater got old. All of that being said, Shannen Doherty was never cool and with 2010 drawing close, she just needs to go away for good but I digress.

2 unsuccessful brain surgeries in 2001 left me a big frustrated. Tumor 2. Britta 0. Dayton was born in July 2002 so I pretty much put my tumor drama on the back burner. Turns out that was a really bad idea. Tumor 3. Britta 0. Wow. Way to rally.

It's time to deal with it again but I am just not ready to go down that path. Some times ready or not it's just important to do the right thing. So I've started the process again and remain mostly apathetic albeit annoyed when I think about it too much. I've been through all the standard garb to this point and will start my tumor town meds 12/15.

On the B Side: Cheers to doing what is right! Not doing so has put me back in the saddle and this ain't my first time at this rodeo! The lesson here folks is as Grandpa Sunshine always said, if you are going to do something, do it right the first time...now if only my surgeon had prescribed to such rhetoric. As for me, me and that MRI machine are BFF's again.

Me and Gloria

Dear Ms Gaynor, We will survive! There is a game that I can't stand. So much can I not stand it that I made it a quiet goal to beat the he** out of it...and I did but it wasn't easy and I hated it the whole time. What I hated most about this game was that I just plain sucked at it. Check out my arch nemesis / new bff to the left!

Mark on the other hand, could pick it up and whiz through it like nobodies business. He has a mind for numbers and puzzles and loves to problem solve. Me, not so much. Personally if I had a motto it would be something like, 'Just Fix It'. Not, fix it and show me how but just do it and don't hurt my head with the details.

There is a rising up within me though and I'm tired of just rolling over, putting my head in the sand and doing the Duffy. Hence began my 3 day quest to kick the crap out of it...and I did AND I proudly am the reigning champ at a whooping 37 seconds. I earned it and it feels good. Yes, it's the small victories that count! I am certain the I killed many brain cells during that process.

Something else I suck at...planks! Um yeah. If I had any muscle mass at all it might not be something I hate with all of my heart. Just as with my 15 Puzzle mad blitz, I am determined to become the master of the plank. Check out the image to the right and imagine doing that with zero muscle and a whole bunch of chub. Awesome! It's going to take far more time then my 3 obsessive days of madness that accompanied my last small victory but at some point with a while lot of effort, there will be no sad look upon my face and I will survive!

On the B Side: It feels amazing to make choices, take control and make a difference! I working out and oddly enough my least favorite part is the cardio crap. I'm learning all kinds of new things and love the sore muscles that remind me that I started the process and am making progress. Forward motion, people, forward motion!

Dear Danny

Danny is my new and super fantastic personal trainer. I wish I could afford to keep him forever. Here are the best things about him;

-He doesn't make me feel bad when I squeal (because my weak muscles hurt so good)
-He doesn't laugh when I tell him I'm sure I'm going to pee my pants (I'm certain I will be his first client to have this kind of accident)
-He doesn't mock me when my craptastic sense of balance gets the best of me (who falls that frequently? I mean really.)
-He kindly corrects me when I forget which leg I just did during lunges (multi tasking has never been my thing, people)
-He politely answers all of my uber naive inquiries (what is a lat any way and how is it related to a trap and are you really sure that I have both of those?)
-He graciously tolerates my random jibberish and frankly, I think he enjoys it

Here are the best things about joining the gym again;
-I love taking control of my life again and working hard to make a difference
-I love the daily soreness my muscles feel (it means they really do exist)
-I love getting up early and feeling productive
-I love being able to get out of the house
-The 'me time' is quietly splendid (is that selfish?)
-It really does provide me an outlet to de-stress, relax and feel good
-It makes me less tired (so weird since I am getting up at the butt crack of dawn but nonetheless true)
-While it will take me 3-4 months to see results, I AM SO EXCITED!

On the B Side: Thank you Farkus for being supportive and helping me to be able to get out and do this. It really is important to me and it feels so good!

The Big Hook Up

Dear 24 Hour Fitness,

It's been a long time. I'm sorry for being a terrible friend. I'm ready to play nice and work on our relationship. Thanks for always being there. I look forward to seeing you today.

Kind Regards,
bv

The Big Break Up

Dear Coke,

Today is the day that we're breaking up. Yup, my butt is the size of Texas and I'm finally taking control of these things. Thanks for the fun times but I'm moving on.

Respectfully (or not),
bv

Who Has Time for Details?

Mark called this morning and said, 'I know you put gas in your car last night. Good job'. I was perplexed and curious and was directed to check my text messages. This is what I found...He was kind enough to remedy the situation for me AND snap a pic. Let's face it, I was lucky to make it to a gas station. That light had been on for days. Seriously, who has time for this stuff?

On the B Side: I was on my way to a jewelry party hosted by the infamous Lizzo and I did manage to score myself a fabulous purse (that I spent a significant amount of time petting simply because I love it so much) and some killer Christmas presents! The fact of the matter is that I made it to the party and safely home (and yes, that is SNOW surrounding my big, black beast!)

Snap Shot in Time

-Dayton is 7 and is in 2nd grade. He loves to help others, is full of giggles and has a well developed sense of humor. He does great in school and loves being at HP. He's an all star reader and his teacher gave him rave reviews last week at parent/teacher conferences. He's friendly, polite and he STILL lets me cuddle him like a little guy. I'm super proud of that kid!

-Ellie is 6 and is in 1st grade. She loves to learn and is at the top of her class, which is a great feat given that she is the youngest and the smallest. She's adopted well to gluten free living and is quite the little socialite. She reads like nobodies business and recently stated that she is going to be a teacher when she grows up. I love that she is blooming all over the place!

-Kayla is 7 and is in first grade. She has transitioned really well to a new school and also attending a full day program. She has play dates at her Grandma's house with her school friends and is full of all kinds of questions around every corner. She's the quiet care giver in the family and makes sure everything is always equal and fair. She's tall and man can that girl swim!

-Adi is 15 months old. She is obsessed with putting things away and feels entitled to any and all drinks in a cup with a straw. She is a strong willed little girl with a mind of her own and walks, some times runs! Rarely does she sit still and she can always be seen toting around a stuffed animal. She loves to try to dress herself & she's just hoping to get some hair in the next 3 years!

On the B Side: Tonight Mark and I watched videos of the kids when they were little. I can't believe how much they have changed and wish I could just freeze time for a few moments...or just keep them little forever! <3

Manic Monday Mourning

Given that I have been out of the blogosphere for some time now, I was bummed this morning when I went to check out Mo's Manic Monday meme and discovered it was decommed at the end of July. Given this, I am definitely going to come up with my own little version of my first and favorite meme!

This effort is bi-fold. It will be duelly beneficial. I'm going to take Dictionary.com's word of the day, follow the Manic Monday protocol and mash it up this way. This takes it up a notch, teaches or reinforces something more academic in nature and still gives me an opty to ramble on.

Today's Word of the Day: Loquacious: very talkative

Saturday night we had the pleasure of a visit from our 6 year old neice, Cassie. Her parents were both otherwise engaged, as were her siblings. She spent a few hours with us and we had a blast! My favorite quirk about our darling little Cass is that she is quite loquacious!

She politely asked me several times what she could do to help me around the house. She pleasantly helped with the laundry and told me all kinds of stories and facts that run through the mind of a child her age. In the car she sang along to all of her favorite hip hop songs on 97.1 and explained what she thought they meant, how she knew them and always asking if it was a song that I liked.

Not only can that little girl talk, but she can very skillfully carry on a conversation and insightfully engage. I love her little loquacious nature! She is a free spirit, an independent thinker and has this beautiful little heart that loves and is concerned with others.

My favorite inquiry: Can I tell my Mom about the policemen, Aunt Britta?

On the B Side: I love the sheer innocence and marvel that envelops the mind of a child. With our children gone over the weekend, we welcomed little Miss Cassie's refreshing presence!

Don't You Think It's About Time?

It's time for people to just be nice...myself included. Can't we all just try to be a little nicer? Don't you think it's possible to live life, go throughout our days and still be nice?? What happened to giving people the benefit of the doubt? What happened to common courtesy?

I pass 3 sets of crossing guards in the morning when I take the kids to school. Let it be said that I fully appreciate their duty and the role they play in the lives and safety of the children. There is one particularly serious guard...SHE IS A BEAST.

I saw her screaming at a Mom in a big blue dodge truck last week. The lady in the truck was obviously defending herself and was yelling back through the glass. The guard callously and intentionally turned her back and crassly walked out. The whole thing was real classy and such a great example for the kids. Ugh.

When I got to the next light, I saw the lady in the blue truck sobbing. It was way sad and likely ruined her day. The worst part is that it was all so totally unnecessary. I don't know exactly what happened or why these women were upset but it didn't have to be that way and made me sad. Seriously, chick was doing the girl thing trying to breath and wipe away her tears.

Since that point in time I have quietly been observing people (one of my favorite past times) and spending some time reflecting on my own thoughts and behavior. I cannot tell you the countless examples of careless and just plain rude exchanges I have witnessed. It's appalling really and makes me want to be a better person.

Being nice has nothing to do with who you are, what you do, who you are interacting with or who is present. It has everything to do with respecting others...and yourself enough to be kind, patient and courteous. Stop and think about it. Is it time to moderate yourself? There's always room for improvement and this girl is hopping on that train!

On the B Side: I will definitely be trying harder to be a little bit kinder, softer, gentler and a whole lot more patient in general. Self awareness plays a big role in all of this. Being a door mat is one thing (and certainly not the goal) but treating others like one is just plain wrong and the last thing I want to be is the reason someone else feels like that on the inside.

Remember the time...

Remember the time when I was 17 and driving to work and I was crying so hard that I didn't see that guy on a bike? Yeah, I was scared but don't worry, I pried his bike out from under my car just fine. His name was Freddy but all his friends called him 'Spazz'.

Remember the time when Ellie was 3 weeks old and I left her for the first time and my car broke down in the middle of the intersection of State and 3900 S? I was crying that time too AND I started to lactate. That was awesome, I was sad and my car was big time out of gas.

Remember the time that I was undecided about the H1N1 vaccine and whether or not I should give it to my children? Ultimately I climbed down off of my fence and frankly, it just feels good to make a decision. The children were brave and now are vaccinated and this Mom feels at peace.

Remember the time that I stopped blogging because I was all over the map on the inside? There's only so much a girl can do to conceal that garbage and putting any type of coherent thought on the internet during that time is not one of them. It's been a while and I've just accepted that I'm a work in progress.

On the B Side: Life is good. This girl right here has tons to be thankful for and today this girl...she *feels* it.

Is there really anything wrong with this?

Less Than Fabulous Friday

While is it not techinically Friday due to the late hour, I was sadly disappointed throughout the day. There are a handful of insigificant let downs but here are the highlights;

• One of my friends and his wife lost their 6 month old baby very unexpectedly. The viewing is down town Sunday. No idea what to do or say.
• My pal Michelle's MS is back in full force and no doubt she is feeling weak, overwhelmed and angry. It's been aggressive and pushed the limits of her physical body many times.
• I spent the evening in the ER with poor Shell. Her kidneys have been testing her mortality since April and there doesn't appear to be any sign of letting up.
• The doc called and Ellie's bloodwork surprisingly came back to indicate that she has Celiac's disease, which runs in my family. She has a less than exciting GI appt in her near future.
• My work trip to Cali in Sept was pushed back to October, which had best not screw up my plans, kids schedules, etc.

To counter my craptastic list I am forcing myself to write an equal list of positive things.

• The kids transistioned very nicely back to their Dad and Mommy Amy. The new schedule appears to be a success.
• Dayton's VIP presentation today was fabulous and flawless. He is so grown up and damn cute!
• Ellie didn't have any issues at school today and that always makes the world a better place.
• The garbage man came...our can was full of 2 weeks worth of overflowing stinky crud.
• The cat has not messed in the house and it's been a month. Go Mighty Mittens! (her alter ego is Kiki just in case you were confused)

On the B Side: There is always plenty to be thankful for and you never have to look very far in order to see just how blessed you are. Some times I just don't want to look. Some times I just want to rest my mind and feel whatever I'm feeling and not feel guilty. I'm not going to lie though, after my work day was done, I went for some non-english speaking loving and got a pedi!!!