Manic Monday Mourning

Given that I have been out of the blogosphere for some time now, I was bummed this morning when I went to check out Mo's Manic Monday meme and discovered it was decommed at the end of July. Given this, I am definitely going to come up with my own little version of my first and favorite meme!

This effort is bi-fold. It will be duelly beneficial. I'm going to take Dictionary.com's word of the day, follow the Manic Monday protocol and mash it up this way. This takes it up a notch, teaches or reinforces something more academic in nature and still gives me an opty to ramble on.

Today's Word of the Day: Loquacious: very talkative

Saturday night we had the pleasure of a visit from our 6 year old neice, Cassie. Her parents were both otherwise engaged, as were her siblings. She spent a few hours with us and we had a blast! My favorite quirk about our darling little Cass is that she is quite loquacious!

She politely asked me several times what she could do to help me around the house. She pleasantly helped with the laundry and told me all kinds of stories and facts that run through the mind of a child her age. In the car she sang along to all of her favorite hip hop songs on 97.1 and explained what she thought they meant, how she knew them and always asking if it was a song that I liked.

Not only can that little girl talk, but she can very skillfully carry on a conversation and insightfully engage. I love her little loquacious nature! She is a free spirit, an independent thinker and has this beautiful little heart that loves and is concerned with others.

My favorite inquiry: Can I tell my Mom about the policemen, Aunt Britta?

On the B Side: I love the sheer innocence and marvel that envelops the mind of a child. With our children gone over the weekend, we welcomed little Miss Cassie's refreshing presence!

Manic Monday: POP!

Manic Monday and I never broke up. The reality here is that we took a break. All the cool kids are doing it! To join the fun click here. A big, huge thank you to MO! Today's word is POP!

Life gets pretty jammed packed full of stuff. By stuff I mean circumstance, challenges, stress...that kind of thing. There are days when it is overwhelming and I feel like I am going to POP!

I'm kind of done with the girl that feels that way though. I am where I am supposed to be and talk myself through this (yes, outloud!) every day. I can slowly feel the strength that comes with taking a step back, working through it in my mind and not feeling like I have to do/fix it all RIGHT NOW. Baby steps, one step at a time. Britters will not POP...unless she refuses to give up chips and salsa...and phase II of the diet starts today so POP off!

On the B Side: Progress is good. Forward motion feels good. My Britta is slowly getting her groove on...aw yeah, sucka!

Manic Monday: Cloud

Please click here to see what all of the hub bub is about and join Mo's fun!

Many times growing up in the summer we could play in the front yard of my Grandparents home. Given that our home was next to theirs, this was something that Jazz and I (along with cousins and neighbors) did often. Oh how I miss that time and place. I look back fondly and with a heart full of love. It literally brings tears to my eyes as I do so miss PA and it will always be 'home'

I can still see it all so clearly in my mind. The grass was always lush and green. The mountains were always full of greenery and softly rolled across the horizon. We would lay down and roll down the slight decline of a hill laughing all the way. The hill seemed fairly big back then and almost even steep. Having seen it many years later I perceived it so much differently. Growing up tends to do that...some times, it's a good thing. Some times it is a bad thing.

When you got to the bottom of this hilly yard, it was normal to stop and lie on your back waiting for the dizziness to pass as you gained your barrings. Those quiet moments afforded time to study the sky and literally watch the clouds roll by. I loved to indulge cloud gazing and you really could see them moving. I loved to determine what type of clouds were in the sky (and based my analysis Mr. Costello's 4th grade science class!) and find images and shapes in them.

The world really was a simpler place back then. As I think back to this time in my life it almost just feels like a really good dream that leaves you feeling warm and peaceful when you wake. So much has happened since those care free days full of giggles. The word cloud quickly brought me back and if it is one thing that I love, it's a good memory.

On the B Side: I will be traveling to PA in March for work. The only piece of 'home' that really remains constant for me is my Father and he will likely be out west helping to tend the children in my absence. This is a great thing simply because he will get to meet our little Adalie, spend some time with Dayton, Ellie and McKayla and see Jazz and Micci (oh and this time he won't have be ill). I'm happy that things are working out this way (even if I don't get to see him) but that doesn't keep me from missing home and reflecting fondly back upon what made it all so great. Yes, I am wiping away the tears now but these are the good kind of tears. xoxo

Manic Monday: Snow

We had many snow days growing up in PA. We would carefully watch the local news as they announced the delays and cancellations. If we missed the regular announcements we would closely watch the scrolling text and carefully notice all the surrounding areas as to best gauge and guess what our fate would be.

There really was nothing more exciting than a snow day home from school...even knowing that we would have to make it up later in the year! We would continue to monitor the tv, knowing that many times the powers that be would change their minds as the weather changed and with luck on our side...worsen (or at least scare the administrators enough to give us a break!). One time and one time only did Penn State ever declare a snow day (while I was there) and what a wonderful day that was!

On the B Side: Today seemed like another day full of dirty black trapped air here in the valley; however, when we left church the snow was falling in big clean, fresh flakes! The storms lift the inversion and give us clean air once more in Utah and that is the only thing more exciting than a snow day in PA!

Manic Monday: Cell

I can remember a world without cell phones. I also remember the coming of age when my Mother had a GIGANTIC portable cell phone in her car. It lived in a black nylon zippered pouch with velcro all over the place and it was off limits. We were not allowed to touch that beast and frankly had no interest. I'm thinking 1986. She was one of the few people that had one and only kept it for the purpose of an emergency as she traveled some distance to work each day. This marked a time when cell phones served as a rare luxury of sorts.

Fast forward. 1994. I had one friend who had one. It just seemed rather ridiculous and the last thing that seemed desirable in my mind was being indispensable. Pushing past the next few years of college and my mission and I remember my first cell phone. After my return to the States from Europe I acquired one for the mere purpose of an emergency. At least that is what I told myself when I secured it. It did help me during one of my travels to and from Penn State on at least one unexpected occasion. Justification, I suppose. Whatever works.

I couldn't tell you the number but I can tell you that it had the cutest light blue slightly sparkly case and was one of the early Nokia bricks. Now I carry multiple phones for different reasons and spend way too much time on them. I hang my head in shame. Marky works in the cell phone industry and loves his job. He is a geek in denial when it comes to the latest and greatest cell phones, features and functionality. We all now live in a world that is full of

'Wheres my cell?'
'Has anyone seen my cell?'
'I don't know the number off hand. Let me check my cell.'
'Is that my cell?'
'Oh wait, hold on. That's my cell.'
'I so want a new ring tone for my cell.'
'Ugh, I can't stand the answer tone on your cell.'
'Whoops, forgot to turn my cell off.'
"Can't hear you. Must be my cell."
"Sorry, lost you. My cell dropped the call."

Saturday night Mark and I watched, "Seven Pounds". It is by far one of the best movies I have seen in a really long time and easily hits my top 10 list. I was so intrigued and blown away by the intricate story line and am already plotting to see it again (along with "Gran Torino"). It all revolves around a cell. I won't go any further at the risk of giving any of it away. I can tell you that I have added some new resolutions to my list after Saturday night.

It's sad and sick that we have to create legislation against cells but it has come to that for good reason because of all of the bad things that have occurred. CA has now made it illegal to text while driving. Really people? Really? We live in a crazy world if we have to make things like this illegal to keep people from doing it. Again, want to jeopardize your own life. That's fine BUT DO NOT jeopardize mine and in exchange I return the favor. Hey, thanks.

On the B Side: Cell phones are still a luxery in my mind but what I hate is that I can't live without mine. Ugh.

Manic Monday: Sale

Who doesn't love a good sale? I have learned with sales that just because it is on sale doesn't mean it is a good deal. Which begs the question...

Do you want it or do you need it?

The best kind of sale is the kind your best friend hunts down, picks up all kinds of fab stuff and shares her spoils with you! I love it when the call comes in. It goes something like this:
'Would you wear (this)?' and 'I just saw (this). or 'You'll love (this)' and 'How do you feel about (this)? or 'Wait until you see (this)'

Most recently I picked up this (top, second from the left in Royal Red) and this (bottom, second from the left in dark charcoal heather) and this (top, second from the left in ivory). Yes, I needed them.

On the B Side: I've learned the hard way that a 'sale' adds up quickly and it generally means the early bird gets the worm. Is it really worth fighting others to get a piece of something you may not even really want OR end up picking through the sloppy left overs? If you are not careful, you will end up with a bunch of stuff that you do not really need. The guilt will kick in and you will end up returning it any way. Huge waste of time.

All are welcome to join Mo's Manic Monday hoopla! Make like the Stereo MC's and get yourself connected! Click here for details.

Manic Monday: Tradition

While the word tradition leaves much to be interpretted, I tire of it in the sense that I believe traditions should happen quite naturally rather than be thought, created, re-thought, analyzed, announced, planned, prepared for, executed and immortalized for all eternity. There is something in that process that takes the beauty out of it for me. I love the idea of things happening... just happening...just because....because people enjoy them. I don't like strict agenda's and I do not enjoy the hustle and bustle that takes away from the things that matter most.

Christmas Eve was a perfect example of this beautiful simplicity. The way things shook out we spent a quiet evening at my Mother's. We enjoyed one another without an agenda or time frame. There were no expectations or constrictions. We ate a nice meal with no pomp or circumstance. We watched the Hallmark channel together while I wrapped presents and my Mom knitted. The boys all went to bed early and the kids were asleep. It was perfect and I hope to spend many more Christmas Eve's like this in the quiet glow of love and warmth!

All are welcome to join Mo's Manic Monday hoopla! Click here for details and get yourself dialed in!

On the B Side: Quiet moments that aren't big grandiose plans seem to bring the most reflection, and enjoyment for me. I love my family so much more than any words could possibly accurately express. For this reason I experience and feel great love and also for this reason my heart quietly aches in the wake of those passed and particularly in the distance that time, space and geography bring. Why does PA have to be so far from UT??? xoxo

Manic Monday: Light

All are welcome to join Mo's fun! Click here for details and get yourself connected!

I love light! Not just light but THE light! Light represents goodness and purity. Light is warm, inviting, clean and it radiates. It feels soft and comforting. It has a drawing force. It is alluring. It illuminates, making things clear.

We make choices every day. Every day we can choose to walk in the light or move toward darkness. I love the light and goodness that abounds. I choose light, THE light...His light.

On the B Side: My sacred responsibility, my sincerest desire and my greatest hope is to teach my children to love the light. xxoxo

Manic Monday: Harvest

All are welcome to join Mo's fun! Click here for details and get yourself connected!

I found this image entitled, 'Preserving Posterity' by Lori Nicholas. I love the simple joy expressed in this picture as they reap the bounty of a plentiful harvest! The title itself speaks volumes about this image.

While I have never done any canning I did quite a few fun and very memorable activities with my Grandmother. Mommom always let me help her make toll house cookies and she kept a small craft drawer in the kitchen for me.

She had way to much spunk and was far too frank to be a typical Grandma. There were plenty of times she flat out told me how things were. I loved her none the less and am stronger because of her ability to be direct and honest. It was not uncommon to hear words such as 'nonsense', 'simpleton' and 'foolish' coming out of her mouth and she use to tell me that if my head wasn't attached I would forget that too!

I laughed last week when Vanna White appeared on rachel Ray's show. Apparently, The Wheel of Fortune is still going strong after all of these years! That show along with Jeopardy, The Price is Right, and People's Court were our shows! She kept Touched by an Angel and Walker Texas Ranger for herself as I had no interest and preferred the craft drawer!

On the B Side: While I have been absentee from the blogosphere for some time now I have been enjoying my own harvest of blessings!

Manic Monday: Bounty

There is nothing that I can say that will give due diligence to the word Bounty as one of my favorite people did. Please check out her post as she is talented beyond the limited words that I can express!

This friend has been mine for almost 15 years and she continues to amaze me as I stand in admiration at her beauty and goodness, inside and out! Here's a small (and silly) tribute to part of my greatest bounty!

Brought together by a silly lie
Atop my baby jeep she did fly
Juniper Take Out kept her busy
Racing on her knees & boxing never left her dizzy
William, Jeremy nor Cache could keep her
Only the swing dancing Idaho boy could but lure
the beautiful, oh so smart and talented Clancy
from then until now and now until the end
my fabulous friend will continue to enhance me!
Hide and seek in the dark, Risk and the wondering jew
Breaking the rules, Chubby sticks and me always loving you!

On the B Side: It's apparent to all that I am not the one with the words; however, I do so love, adore and appreciate my Clancy Pants! I am surrounded by goodness and continue to be blessed by amazing people!

Manic Monday: Ghost

I have been a blogging ghost for the past two weeks. This is the first break that I have taken since I started blogging diligently well over a year ago. Without going into any great detail it's no secret to some that I have been battling myself in one rather serious case of post partum. While I was determined to be 'normal', manage myself/my life/my family and deny any inkling of weakness it became more and more obvious to those closest to me. At some point it was necessary that I take inventory internally rather than just hoping it would pass.

Let me be the first to say that Two Scoops is now three months old and I absolutely love her to pieces. She is the sweetest little thing and loved by all. The most common comment that we get just about everywhere we go is along these lines, 'she looks like a little doll'. Her petite features and porcelain skin no doubt contribute to that line of thinking and while I am partial I full heartedly confess that she is beautiful and really does look like a little doll!

Prior to my struggles I always thought post partum had to do with not liking your baby and/or not wanting to be a Mother. I thought it meant that you were depressed all of the time and just couldn't function or didn't want to live. I know now just how off base I really was and I can assure you that if you have not experienced it, you have no idea. It really is a quiet but crazy, roller coaster of an intangible battle that is so loud in my own head.

It's an internal war that is waging and much of the time I am able to fully and completely mask it to others. In reality my emotions are at the surface and quite volatile. I feel impatient and I feel just plain sad. I feel like I am failing and I feel so painfully inadequate. I cry more than I would like to admit and some times for no apparent reason. The difficult part is that I FEEL so much and while I can talk myself through it that doesn't make me any better able to FEEL better. It is an entirely new struggle for me unlike any waters that I have previously navigated.

I have tried to minimize this in my mind thinking it's because we moved (again) or because I'm sleep devprived or because we have 4 kids or because I work full time or because I'm older now or because our life is full of drama but those are actually constants for me. I seek no sympathy. I feel a sense of relief acknowledging it and thank those who have patiently stood by me during a time when I am so much less than myself. I am going back to the doctor again this week and really want to do my best to not be a ghost in my own life!

On the B Side: Despite how I feel on the inside the world around me keeps getting better. We're happy in our new place, everyone is healthy and work has unexpectedly thrown me an incredibly huge and tasty bone that I am not at liberty to talk about just yet. This is my favorite time of year and just as soon as I find the cord for my camera I will upload all kinds of ghostly pictures from our fun month of October! Happy Manic Monday to all!

Manic Monday: Moon

This week Mo has chosen the word MOON. For more information click here. To join the fun click here.

"Moon Over Miami" is a classic film from 1941. I was in Miami with my Mom for my cousin Chris' wedding in 2003. Ellie was with me and she was 5-6 weeks old. It was easily the most fun I have ever had at a wedding! My Mom and I stayed in South Beach at the Clinton Hotel which was extremely funky and a blast! Ellie was a precious little darling and a great travel companion! My Mom was blitzed two of those nights (sorry Momma!) so I ended up taking care of her giggly self but enjoyed it none the less and probably more!

I do so love that no matter where you are and no matter where you go the moon is always there and always the same. It has served as a constant and as a comfort to me many, many times! I remember catching lightening bugs under it's light as a child. I remember staring at it while I was abroad in Belgium and France missing home. The kids and I often search for it now and to this day I swear that you can see the outline of a face in it!

For anyone who knows me, you know that my children are my moonbeams. This term was shared with me before my little DD was born in 2002 and it's always stuck. My little moonbeams have returned to Florida from their Disney cruise and are spending their days in Disney World with their Dad this week. Forget Miami, their moon is over Orlando right now!

On the B Side: I love and miss my little moonbeams like crazy! This is the longest I have ever been away from them. No doubt they are loving every moment and while my heart aches I am keeping in mind that we are sharing the same moon each night! xxox

ps - I love the little half moons that Adi's eyes make when she smiles!!

Manic Monday: Leaf

This week Mo has chosen the word LEAF. For more information click here. To join the fun click here.

I'm turning over a new one TODAY! Yes, a new leaf. I have been my own worst enemy for some time now. I work against myself for no apparent reason and most often without even realizing it. Listening to General Conference flooded my mind with wisdom, understanding and my heart with hope and inspiration.

I am a perfectioninst in my own mind (but never in application mind you). My expectations for myself are hardly fair yet I hold myself to them and feel miserable on the inside when I fall short...which is way more often than not. So I create and then harbor feelings of inadequacy and end up feeling like a dog turd.

Today was a reminder that we all face hardships. We all struggle, we all miss the mark, that there is no such thing as perfection in this life and that we are here to learn. We learn by doing and that means making mistakes. I really want to stop being so hard on myself . As I turn over my new leaf I am going to be more realistic with myself, more fully communicate expectations, seek help when I need it and just live my life the best that I can without stopping to see how I measure up in my own mind.

On the B Side: That was way more information then I had planned on but nonetheless I am super excited and also rather motivated to try a little harder to be a little better and quit wasting time on what I am not or what I didn't do. xxox

Manic Monday: Nuts

Each week Mo gives us a word and lets us run wild! Feel free to join in the fun here.

While life moves at a very fast pace and is generally nuts, this weekend was particularly nuts. I wish I could say it was the good kind of nuts (Mmm like almonds or warm roasted pecans with brown sugar) but it was the bad kind of nuts that made me cry a lot. Some times I think it's post partem or something (nice cop out) but regardless today was the nuttiest of the nuts (that's putting it nicely and keeping it vague for the purpose of not coming across as a total nut aka psycho) and I found myself breaking down into tears more often than not. I don't think I have ever cried this much and I'm pretty sure I haven't had this much reason...oh wait. I think I have had reason but I'm certain I use to be able to cope! I think my eye balls hurt from crying so much. Ouch (they really do).

On the B Side: If you are reading this and thinking, "I'm sorry" please don't be. While I appreciate it please know that I am at the heart and soul of the nuttiness that is my life hence it comes as a result of my own hand. Not only am I a nut, I am a r tard...ugh. While the thought of tomorrow being a new day, a better day sounds good it doesn't make me feel any better and really it just feels overwhelming and just makes me want to hide....with a big bag of warm, sugar coated nuts (no I will not share). Umm, so the B side is that as much as my heart aches and as sick to my stomach as things make me right now I would rather be able to feel than be completely numb...I think but I'm not completely able to appreciate it just now ;)

Manic Monday: Formula

Mo's Manic Monday: Formula

No, this is not another post about the woes of Nutramigen. That would be too easy and it already consumes a significant portion of my brain and pocket book. I continually remind myself that it is worth it for Adi's sake. What I would really like to know is this...

What really is the formula for balancing life?

I am a Mother of 4 beautiful children. I work full time and I manage a house hold. I have a newborn, I juggle Dayton and Ellie's schedule with their Father as well as Kayla's with her Mother. I started back to work 2 weeks ago and am still trying to figure it all out.

I am busy at home helping the kids with homework and reading. I try to stay on top of the laundry and dishes daily. I've officially become a soccer Mom as of the beginning of this month and most of all I would love to be a well rested Mom. If there were 36 hours in each day I might stand a chance.

Until then I remain a Jill-of-All-Trades-and-Master-of-None! While I enjoy the ride, I have no idea what the destination actually looks like.

On the B Side: As busy as life is, I would not change it one bit!

Manic Monday: Juice

Mo's Manic Monday: Juice

Today I am kicking it old school with this commercial from 1981. 27 years later I can still sing this jingle verbatim which is interesting given that I couldn't possibly tell you what I was doing 5 minutes ago! I can remember when this gum use to cost $0.25. I have no idea what it costs now and the more I type the older I feel! The mere fact that I can remember anything from 20+ years makes me older than dirt!

On the B Side: This is the kind of thing that really makes me miss home. Life was simple back in the day. I so loved my childhood in the middle of nowhere central PA! Time stops for no one and the more time that passes the more I realize just how incredibly blessed I really am!

Manic Monday: Club

While I'm not at liberty to write about my time at the club in OC NJ (pre-mish and way cleaner then any cage dancing at the Vortex) it was the first thing that came to my mind.

The next thought seeing the image Mo chose for 'Club' reminds me of my Mom's side of the family; the Shaws. My Grandmother came from a family of 15 as there were 13 kids and she has a twin. Uncle Bob is still alive and just celebrated his 92nd birthday!

The Shaws love to play cards and always play Hi-Lo Jack. I am not much of a card shark myself but always enjoyed watching them play when we gathered together! Every August we would meet at the cottage in Roaring Creek that my Grandfather had built. The original 13 children and their familes would all get together for a weekend of food, fun and lots of cards! I miss home...home home.

On the B Side: My babies are home! We're all excited for a brand new week! This is my last week home with Elles...ever. They are all fast asleep and everything feels complete once more.

Manic Monday: Wax

It's sooooo non of your bees wax!!! Wax on. Wax off. Wax what? Wax this. Wax what? No, no, no! No waxing! Laaaaaser. That's where ir's at!

Really I so do not buy into the whole waxing deal. If you want to be hairless laser is the only way to go! I am the kind of girl who constantly cuts up my legs shaving. Is it really worth it? No. Keep your razors to yourself! While I've never tried waxing my legs or the like I can't imagine the pain being worth it given that the growth merely returns. Let's be smart about this! I started at Yamashiro's in 2005 and quickly became addicted to the hair free lifestyle. Just say no to waxing!

On the B Side: Hair free is the life for me!

Manic Monday

Growing up we would skip through the forest located behind our home and play in a small stream nestled quietly in the woods. We had some neighbors that would always lift up the rocks in the water. Once the rocks were removed you could see all kinds of nasty creatures quickly flutter away in the cloudy water. Most often they were crayfish that looked like minature lobsters swimming backwards. They were super creepy to watch and it makes me skin crawl thinking about them.

While I was in New Orleans on business in 2002 I found out that people actually eat these nasty things. That's where today's topic for Manic Monday comes in: boil. Yes, apparently crayfish are boiled, eaten and enjoyed as Cajun cuisine. Gross. Really gross.

On the B Side: I love Mo's Manic Monday posts! I love the simplicity of one word that causes you to think of something entirely random. It's conjures up all kinds of memories for me that I haven't thought about in a long time.